Thursday 3 January 2013

Go The Fuck to Sleep, Says the Owl

The book is pretty funny, but I don't think I'd read that to my monkey.

The first night the baby migrated from the bassinette into a cot, we awoke at 230am to flashing red lights and what sounded like a whole freakin orchestra of toys exacting their revenge for getting weed on.  The baby was still swaddled, but only waist down.  She was propping herself up on her arms, looking more awake than a speeding raver, and pushing keys on her musical piano that I'd stupidly forgotten to untie from the cot.  After frantically undoing the knotted ties, destroying the wretched piano (I wish, but I actually put it beside the bed very gently), reswaddling the baby and assuring myself that my other half was asleep and not dead from a heart attack, I decided that it was time to finally sew a swaddle sack that was as secure as a straitjacket for the criminally insane.
That should hold baby securely swaddled (Google images)

Just so happened that I was given a domer for Christmas, and I desperately wanted to dome everything in sight.  No more annoying velcro, here come the domes.

Go on, put your finger in here
Well, I made a swaddle sack.  It has dome closures.  It's designed to dome to a wrap around the mattress to keep the baby from rolling.  It has a cool looking owl on the front (I named the owl Orlik to welcome him into the Grimly family).  It's 100% cotton.  It's sleep-friendly black.  Frankly, I think it's a damn good looking swaddle sack.  I'd sleep in one myself.
Orlik the Owl swaddle sack
There is one little flaw.

It is fucking useless at swaddling. 


Even though I made it snuggly, it won't keep the baby arms in place.  They sneakily wiggle out and flail about the place like it's some sort of a raging party.  It's not a damn party, it's time to sleep!  I should have made a straitjacket instead.  The trouble with domes is that they are pretty much permanent.  Velcro, you win.

Well, what a nicely swaddled baby
Hey, get that hand back in there!
FYI owls are nocturnal.  Not the best choice of animal to stick on a sleep sack.  May as well draw a bat.  Hm, now there's and idea.

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